| died doing what she loved most-commiting suicide.'s Journal |
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died doing what she loved most-commiting suicide.
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| A place that's better then this- a time filled with us. |
[10 Aug 2004|11:39am] |
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Television: Venus |
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Oh my.
This journal gets creepy sometimes. o_O
Anyhow, I'm sorry I haven't been updating much in either of my journals. I was making an effort there for a while, but. . .eh, I don't know. I haven't been able to think of anything especially interesting to say.
At any rate, I am going out on a date with Merl tonight, so life is good.
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| With you- there's no easy answer, it's true- you change the equation I add up to |
[30 Jul 2004|09:02am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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RENT: Goodbye Love |
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God, how I love yoga. It makes every inch of my body feel sublime. I used to only do yoga before I got to sleep, but lately, I've taken to doing it all the time. Perhaps I missed being able to do that back when I was really sick. I'm not sure.
Being healthy. It's wonderful and frusterating at the same time. It's still exhilarating to be able run around again. I'm appreciating things so much more then I ever did. But at the same time, it's discouraging when I don't feel all that great. I know on some level that my medication is not the end all, be all solution to my health problems...but I don't know. Still, I'm so thankful that I found such a wonderful doctor that's helped me so much.
I've been able to talk to Adam a lot more lately, which is really wonderful. All our conversations seem to turn into something special. He really is one of my favorite people, and he always makes me think, in a good way.
I dug up the very first conversation I had with Adam last night, just for fun. I cringed over typos and the like, but it was still a fun read. But anyhow, during our conversation, Adam was asking me what I lived my life for. I ticked off the most important people in my life at the time, and Adam advised me against living my life for people- good advice, by the way. But it got me wondering.
I have lots of faith, but none of that faith is in a higher being, or anything like that. All the most important things in my life are people- one person in particular. But in spite of that, I really don't think I live my life for Merl- I simply live my life to live. Merl's just what makes my life as wonderful as it is.
And lastly, I must touch on the subject of Merl. He's getting promoted and work, and because of this keeps switching between different shifts. I loathe the fact that we don't get to spend the kind of time together that we used to, but at the same time, it's really giving me a chance to appreciate how transcendent the moments I spend with Merl really are. The morning we first met, we wound up walking and talking with each other for hours, and since then, walks have been a staple in our relationship. The other day, Merl and I went on our first long walk together in about 2 weeks or so, and I just got so caught up in the magic of the moment. When Merl isn't on such a hectic schedule, and we have the time to just forget the world and walk for hours and hours again...I imagine it'll feel a lot like finally feeling healthy again feels.
And so my journal entry comes (sort of) full circle.
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| You know when to know, you know when to be through |
[24 Jul 2004|09:02pm] |
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ALL: Never Took |
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At long last, my new journal is finally up. I owe it all to rezo, who is the greatest person ever, and drew the picture for my layout.
It's ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) whisperthewords
Everyone who mentioned they wanted to be added back months ago is already added, but I know not everyone saw that entry, and I've gotten some new friends since then, so if you want to be added, just comment here, or in the journal.
And even if you couldn't care less about my journal, go look at the layout cause it's beauteous. ^^
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| I don't believe in the sun. |
[23 Jul 2004|04:04pm] |
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Mazzy Star: Into Dust |
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Meh. Attempting to work on the new layout for the new journal, but I can't find anything I really like.
I have this concept in my head of what I want, but I'd need a scanner and a little more artistic ability to pull that off.
I want to theme it around these two neutral milk hotel songs that were written as companion pieces, but I can't find anything that works with the lyrics.
Pity none of you will ever see what I have drawn up in my head. It would've been beautiful, in a strange sort of way.
I need to get new icons too, but that's always easy. I think I have about 50 or so unused icons sitting in a folder somewhere or other.
At any rate, I do plan to have the new journal at least somewhat up before I go to bed tonight. I've been putting this off for way too long.
Any suggestion layout wise would be awesome. ^^
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| We hate dance and we hate rap, but we like to contradict ourselves. . .that's a rap. |
[22 Jul 2004|10:09pm] |
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Snow Patrol: How to be Dead |
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As some of you have already heard, Merl decided to shave his beard today. He was somewhat curious as to what he looked like without a beard, and he really wanted to shock people.
He doesn't look at all like Merl anymore. He hates it, so beard-less Merl isn't going to be around for long. Thus, I have documented Merl no Beard for the curious.
( Warning: What you are about to see may shock you. . . )
At the rate he grows hair, he'll be back to his fuzzy-wuzzy self in no time. So no worries. ^^
Josh and Merl had the funniest conversation ever on aim, but I doubt they'd give me permission to post it. *pouts*
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| I swear I've got nothing to prove- I just want to dance in your tangles |
[18 Jul 2004|04:39am] |
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Portishead: Glory Box |
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So, as all of you should well know, I am a girl. I live with two guys.
Why is it then, I ask of you, that I hear things like "I agree with what Nick said on Newlyweds" and "Hillary Duff sucks as an actress and a singer. Lindsey Lohan is so much better".
I don't know whether I should crack up, or be disturbed. I think I want to do a little of both.
Mike, Merl, please. Talk to me about Optimus Prime. Discuss the Green Lantern and Hawkgirl's sex life. Anything. As long as it's not your favorite episode of Room Raiders. ;.;
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| Quadrilateral I was, now I warp like a smile. . . |
[12 Jul 2004|02:46pm] |
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 okay |
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Sneaker Pimps: Spin Spin Sugar |
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Merl and I were taking a walk, as we usually do when it's beautiful out, and I happened to be swinging my arms a little as I walk. I felt a prick in my right hand, and so I looked down, opened my palm, and a dead bee fell out of it.
It's not especially painful or anything, and it's not too swollen. It's just the strangest bee sting I think I've ever recieved.
Also- Andrew is going to be turning 17 in less then a month, so I need to mail out his present soon. Does anyone have any good gift ideas? I don't think I'm going to be able to get him what I originally planned to. =/
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| all your plastic people with plastic hearts and smiles, they had the worst intentions all along. . . |
[25 Jun 2004|12:57pm] |
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Death Cab for Cutie: Pictures in an Exhibition |
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Just for the people that have been asking as of late.
The only phone that Merl and I have right now is a cell phone, and it's pretty much just used for calls that absolutely have to be made. That's why I haven't been giving our phone number to those of you who've asked.
It's a bit complicated and involves Mike's ex-girlfriend, but the short of it is that a huge, huge long distance bill wound up on our phone, and so our house phone is off while that's all getting sorted out. It should be back on sometime next month, and then we'll be happy to call anyone who wants to talk. ^^
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| Drinking chapagne from a paper cup is never quite the same. . . |
[25 Jun 2004|12:13pm] |
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Nada Surf: Hi-Speed Soul |
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I wish that someone would come out with a makeup that would make me look the way I do after I've been making out with Merl on the couch for an hour. My lips go this really pretty reddish pink shade, my cheeks are flushed, and if my hair happens to be curly at the time, it always fluffs out so cute.
Josh, I have funny things I want to tell you, but I can't get on aim right now. ; ;
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| Sonmiloquist is the nightmare's song |
[17 Jun 2004|02:54pm] |
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still just as happy ^^ |
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Mr. Bungle: Carry Stress in the Jaw |
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And now, for a genuine update. ^^
Mike got back the other night, and while all the alone time with Merl was really, really nice, it feels more like home now that there are once again constant discussions of super hero sex lives and the like. Plus, I have been playing Magic with Mike, and while he smokes me most of the time, I manage to beat him every so often.
I've been feeling better about myself in general lately. It isn't anything drastic, per se, but in the past, I had a horrible time taking a compliment- they really bothered me. Someone would say something nice, and it upset me, because I knew they were lying but at the same time didn't feel they had bad intentions- it left me feeling somewhat miserable.
Now when Merl and I go out, and someone says I look pretty, or cute, or something alone those lines, I just say "Awww, thank you!", and that ends that.
Like I said, it isn't really anything impressive, but it's a step in the right direction. I blame it on how wonderful everything has been in general as of late. The best thing about the whole general state of wonderful-ness is it isn't exclusive to my life- most of the most important people in my life are having a pretty sublime time of things too.
God I'm happy.
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| If a million raindrops flood the sky I will not feel it.... |
[13 Jun 2004|10:54am] |
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Elysian Fields: Drunk on a Dark Sublime |
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I started reading Ecce Homo yesterday. It dawned on me the other day how long it's been since I read anything besides a magazine or a comic book, and considering how much I used to read, it made me a little sad. So I figured I'd rememdy that, and I'm glad I did. ^^
Yesterday was just really wonderful in general. Mike's gone for about a week or so, and while I like Mike lots, having the apartment all to ourselves is a lot of fun. It was gorgeous out yesterday, so we wound up walking up to the grocery store and making a really nice dinner together, then taking it and a bottle of wine outside and enjoying the weather. Life is good.
I came to peace with something that had been tormenting me for a long time yesterday. I was just sitting alone for a bit, waiting on Merl, and I had an epiphany of sorts. It's probably silly to be as happy over it as I am, but I don't really care.
Mithos, I started playing FFXI again yesterday, so I shall see you soon, I hope.
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| I've got a lucrative career just doing nothing |
[28 May 2004|12:19pm] |
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Skip James: Devil Got My Woman |
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So, I went to the doctor's office yesterday, and found out I am down to 107 pounds. ^^ Losing 6 pounds if you're dieting and such is always nice, but losing 6 pounds when you do absolutely nothing is a lot more exciting. I'm still on a good mood high over that.
Things have been really going well in general, honestly. I was pretty down and depressed for a while over being sick all the time, but I had a long talk with Merl about it, and he really cheered me up about the situation. And now that I'm on a new medication and should be getting a lot better, I'm even more optimistic about things. I plan on starting a new diet (for health reasons, not to lose weight), and I'm really going to focus on taking better care of myself, and undo the damage that I've done to my body.
Lately I have really been missing some people, like Jessica and Jenni and Bridget and such. Just so they know. ~^_^~
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| send me solace through the silence.... |
[02 May 2004|04:39am] |
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Maaya Sakamoto: Gravity |
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I just woke up to find myself automatically disconnected from FFXI. I told a linkshell buddy that I'd help him get his Giddeus key, not realizing that it would be a good hour and a half before he got to Giddeus. By the time we got started it was past 3am and I fell asleep right at the keyboard. I feel rather awful. I hope he didn't die or anything like that. :(
I've been having a lot of fun with FFXI though. I unlocked bard and summoner the other day, but I've fallen so in love with playing summoner that I haven't even tried bard yet. It'd be fun to get into a roleplaying linkshell or something equally geeky....something resembling a storyline has taken shape in my head. If only Merl and I could play together. I love making characters with him, we get in-depth to the point of ridiculousness during character creation for pen and paper stuff.
Merl's taken to making a new character every week or so. He made a little taru taru girl the other night and is having a lot of fun playing as her, so maybe he'll stick her out. I dinna ken. He looks really cute when he imitates the taru /panic, but I don't want to marry a taru when the NA wedding service in online. I like him best as my snuggly galka teddy.
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| to loving tension, no penison, to more then one dimension |
[17 Apr 2004|07:09pm] |
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Rent: Light My Candle |
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So yesterday was what Merl and I to consider to be our one year anniversary. We're relatively broke right now, mostly due to a paycheck mixup, but we did go out with the intentions of seeing Kill Bill vol. 2. Naturally, all showing of that were sold out, so instead, we went to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I've been putting off seeing it since the day it came out, but I'm glad I waited until then. It was all kinds of wonderful. It made me really, really damn happy. I'm not sure why. It might replace Amelie as my "happy movie". I didn't take pictures or anything, but we just went to the movies, so it wouldn't have been that exciting anyways. I should take new pictures though.
At any rate, the real reason I'm making this post- I'm probably going into the hospital today or tommorow, so I'll be afk for a few days. Not like I get on that often anymore anyhow, but meh.
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| she uses vaseline.... |
[14 Apr 2004|03:00am] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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The Smiths: Moon River |
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My apologies to those of you it matters to for barely being on lately. FFIX is very addicting, and I'm having health problems, per usual. I brought most of that on myself however, so I really don't have any right to complain about that.
Rented Kill Bill today. Just as glorious as ever, and now I'm super hyped up for Kill Bill 2. It also made me want to watch Battle Royale again. Merl hasna seen it yet, and it's taken me far too long to remedy that.
I didn't get to go to Anime Boston, which was disapointing. Merl talked me up to cosplaying Felicia for it too. There will be other cons, I suppose.
Anyhow, I'm *supposed* to be on bed rest for now so I guess I should cut this short. Josh, if you read this, call here or something. I haven't talked to you in like 2 or 3 weeks and I miss you.
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| I lost the moon again....or stopped looking, I guess, when love caught me by surprise.... |
[18 Feb 2004|06:06pm] |
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mood |
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Syd: Here's a Love Song |
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So yeah. I need to get working on the new layout for my new journal so I can start using it and such. Thinking about an FFVIII theme, actually. Not sure where that came from, but meh.
Is ffshrine down for anyone else?
.....also, just remembered when typing in the song- I need to send that song to you, Adam. I just have to actually find you being not-idle on aim sometime.
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